Transatlantic Ponderings.
There is something ceremonial about a flight, especially a long haul flight. The time to just be. The time without distraction, without internet, without anything to keep me anchored to ‘life’. I’ve often found as I take off to go somewhere new that a sense of peace comes over me, a sense of freedom, a sense of truly living.
This time was no different. The only difference I guess was that this time I no longer have a ‘home’ to anchor to back in London. I made the decision to pack it all up and rent out my place for a year to see where the tide takes me. I have a month’s accommodation booked, the rest is to be seen.
What a life we live that this is now possible. That it’s possible to create a life where your work isn’t chained to a location. That your clients cheer you on from the side lines for making choices that, perhaps, inspire them to make similar bold choices in their own lives. What a magic life this is.
I sometimes wonder how it is that I got to this life.
How I went from having a pretty damn great existence but knowing deep down that something wasn’t right, to living this magical, freeing, who the hell knows where this will take me, life.
I was pondering on this as I packed up my flat, sifting through the self development books, the used journals and the seemingly endless supplies of strange superfoods.
The truth… is that, without really recognising it, I’ve been working through my own chains for a long time.
I’ve been working through the knots in my mind for a long time
I’ve been ironing out the creases that were stopping me from taking chances
I’ve been questioning my beliefs, my thoughts, my ideas of what a perfect life looks like
I’ve been committed to this work for a long time. Something drew me to it. An inkling that there was more to life than what I’d been experiencing. A knowing of some kind.
There is nothing more magical that you can give yourself than starting to work on yourself. Nothing.
No bonus, no first class flight, no 5* hotel will ever compare to the freedom and lightness that comes with the deepest knowing that 99% of what your mind tells you is BS and that in all honesty, life is magical, if you give yourself permission to see it that way.
L x
Some more recent words...
September 4, 2023
The curse of the helperEverything felt infused with irritation. I was doing all the things for everyone else that I thought I should be doing. I was doing all the acts of service. I was, technically, loving those people. And yet. It felt like every act I did, rather than being infused with love, was infused with a shards of glass shooting out of every plate I stacked.
June 15, 2023
Why burning down my 'successful' life was the best thing I ever didIt was a Thursday back in February 2018. The rain hadn’t stopped for months and London was right in the depths of what felt like the longest winter we’d ever had. The dark, damp days had started to getting to me so I’d taken refuge in a hot yoga class to warm up. The scent of palo santo blended with the sweat of 50 people pervaded the room. It was bonus day at work. They’d told us it had been a bad year and not to expect much. I peaked into the envelope, hopeful, as soon as they slid it across the table: £130k. But there I lay, in savasana, with hot, salty tears streaming down my face: I’d never felt emptier.
February 23, 2023
Single in my 30s: What I came to realise when I really sat to understand the reasons why..I always thought it was down to my mildly intense anxious attachment stuff playing out... that and just low key hating dating apps. But then as I started to date a little bit more than I usually do... I was faced with some of the real reasons I'd been avoiding it for so long... and here they are..
January 18, 2023
What nobody tells you about leaving a careerIt’s been 2.5 years since I hop, skipped and jumped out of the trading floor and into self employed life. In all honesty, I never thought I’d have the courage to do it - I used to wake up in the middle of the night at times in a cold sweat, equally panicked about the prospect of leaving as I was about the prospect of never fully claiming my life.